My New Car "Abie" Lincoln

Ken decided that due to increasing gas prices, it was time to replace our old  pickup truck with a newish pre-owned vehicle.  His heart was set on a 2009 Lincoln...I think he reveres Lincolns from when he was a kid...only the rich drove Lincolns or Cadillacs. 

Anyway, we now own a 2009 silver Lincoln is a nice vehicle and gets 19+ mph in the city and over 30+ mph on the highway.   BTW, what is the big deal for advertising the great mph on the highway...we live in the city, I haven't driven on a highway since last year when we drove to Naperville, IL to visit our daughter and family.  We want something that gives us great mpg IN THE CITY!!!   We wanted something that didn't suck gas like it was a Pepsi cola on steroids when I drove to the grocery store, went shopping or just plain drove around town.
The Lincoln MKZ was purchased last Friday....Ken is not usually stubborn about things but getting this new vehicle was one thing he was determined to do.  I am a worry wart and didn't want to face car payments when our income (retired folks here) was teetering on income-in and income-out being pretty close together.  
The car (I call it "Abie"...after Abraham LINCOLN) is very nice and has a whole bunch of buttons that we, especially me since I am the main driver, have to acquaint ourselves with.  Case in point...driving Abie home from the dealership (me is now MY car) , Ken sitting in the passenger seat, started pushing buttons on the console. 

Suddenly, I have flashing yellow emergency lights on the dashboard.  "WHAT DID YOU DO????"....push another button and a swerving  little orange car pops up next to the flashing lights. The Lincoln then decided that English was no longer the language of choice, and my mph appeared in km (kilometers?)....push more buttons and it wants to know if we want English or French (car was assembled in Mexico...but French is it's native language).....all I wanted was to get off the highway before  Ken pushed something else....he was hoping if he pushed the right button "Abie" would recognize the touch of an English speaking person.  No such luck. About this time, Ken took the "how to" instruction manual out of the glove compartment.  I suppose that if you are a person who buys lots of NEW vehicles, or are teenagers, you understand the language of new cars.  We aren't either.  We drove home with km, flashing warning lights and swerving little orange car all doing their thing. 

On Saturday, we drove back to the dealership ... our salesman came out to the car and we went through the buttons...I still don't know how they all work...but we're in English mode now and that's a step forward.  Somewhere in the system "Abie" holds the secret of how many miles I can drive before running out of gas, how to get my seat to either warm up in winter or get cool in summer and what the buttons on both sides of the steering wheel control.
Did you ever see the commercial where a lady and her husband (Bob Newhart) are standing next to a beautiful new car and she is pushing buttons on her remote trying to open the door?  She says something like "whats wrong with this remote???".....he leans over and says, "you're trying to open this car and we drive that station wagon over there".
Duhhhh, that's exactly what happened to me. I played tennis with some friends on Tuesday  (only had the car a few days) and they wanted to see the interior.  I walked up to the shiny silver car and pushed the remote button....nothing happened.  I pressed it again...nothing happened.  Oh great, what do I do now.  
My friend Mari, said to me (after she stopped laughing"Jean, your remote button won't're trying to open my Lexus".....yep, her silver Lexus was parked next to my silver Lincoln.  

I am still not familiar with the buttons on the console, there are waaaaay too many of them.  Plus, when I need one I am actively driving the car....why are the windshield wipers, fan, and assorted buttons located in the right side of the console hidden under the radio and disk player?  To see them, I have to bend over and decide which is which.  Then I am a danger to other drivers since I have now  taken my eyes off the road.  

My thoughts were that this car was obviously designed by guys....those who have short, sturdy fingers and fingernails.   The trunk only opens 1/2" to 3/4" when I push the "open" button.  It does not have a handle, slot or anything to grasp to open the trunk.  You have to slip your fingers under the trunk lid and lift it up.  Want to guess how many fancy fingernails I have sacrificed doing this.  Plus, we live in Nebraska...we have SNOW....the little 1/2"- 3/4" crack is hard to find when fumbling through the accumulated snow..  And, since it is usually frozen down, it doesn't want to open anyway.    
I took Abie to our local dealer to see what could be done...answer..nothing!  He said that "they" found that if the trunk opens too far it could be caught by a gust of wind, blow open, hit the owner/opener in the face and cause an injury resulting in a lawsuit.  I'm not sure who would be sued...possibly the manufacturer.   He also pooh-poohed my idea of putting a little silver handle or knob on the side of the lid.....  "Over the years the necessary hole in the trunk could rust - the car's value would be depreciated"  I'm sure that "over the years"  there may be rust elsewhere on the car which would also cause it to be "depreciated"....duh...  

He suggested that I attach a piece of microfiber belting to the inside of the trunk lid and when closing the trunk leave a tail of the belting hang out.  Therefore, giving me something to open the trunk with.    

Yeah sure...I've put that suggestion on the back burner.

1 comment:

Basil Glenn said...

Haha! This post was comically made up, Jean! I suddenly recall one of the comedy films that I'd watched way back. Still, I'm so glad that you made it through your home safe and sound! LoL! But seriously speaking, I think you should learn from this experience so you won't be panic anymore. PS: The last part really got me away! Haha!

Basil Glenn