Wooden Spoon VS 25 Lb Turkey

As usual, we have a big Christmas dinner at our house involving give or take 19 or more children and invited guests. Since we pack that many people around our dining room and assorted tables, we need a BIG turkey.  This year was the biggest one that we've ever had...a whopping 25 pound bird, stark naked, no feathers or innards.  Ken had to hunt through several grocery stores before he found this bird and could hardly lift it out of the grocery cooler.  But, with five teenage boys, three teenage girls, a seven year old and an assortment of adults, we had to have it.

Jon is our youngest daughter's husband and ever since joining our family, he has been the official turkey carver....he declines to work on the ham, saying he is "only qualified as a turkey carver"....you'd think after 18 years he'd figured out how to slice up a ham, but he avoids it. I always cook the turkey in a cooking bag because it cooks faster and, to us, the meat seems to be juicier. But the bag tends to create a lot of juice...I'm not exactly sure why, but we put him/her into the bag, tie it up, and by the time the little timer pops up out of it's breast, we have 3" of liquid in the bag.

On Christmas morning, I gave Jon the "turkey's ready" message and he came into the kitchen with the electric carving knife, ready to go.  He took the turkey out of the oven and put it, along with the cooking bag in the aluminum foil pan on the counter.  From there on, it was downhill all the way.

He asked for the wooden spoon which he used every year and prepared to put it into the rear cavity to lift the bird out of the cooking bag and onto the serving plate.  I was ready in the neck area with a big steel serving fork.  I took a look at the wooden spoon and the size of the bird and said "Jon, I don't think the wooden spoon is strong enough, I'll get another big serving fork"....but nooooo, he would not give in and insisted that with me in the front and him in the back, the wooden spoon would work just fine as it had done for many years.  Remember that he has done this for 18 years, BUT, this is the biggest bird we've even had. 

So, into the cavity went the spoon and into the neck area I jabbed the big, steel serving fork.  We both lifted and CRACK, the wooden spoon gave away, the turkey splashed back into the aluminum foil pan....hot greasy juice every where!  The counter, floor, Jon and I. 

Jon stood there with a confused, terrified, stunned look on his face, holding one half of a wooden spoon and staring down at the turkey, half in and half out of the foil pan.  After a second or two, I started to laugh so hard I had tears running down my face. Our dinner guests wondered what the commotion was, came into the kitchen and saw us staring down at the turkey on the counter.  Me laughing and Jon in a trance still holding the broken wooden spoon.

The turkey was just fine, Jon sliced it up and it was delicious.

But, Christmas dinner 2014 will forever be known as the "The Christmas of the  Wooden Spoon Vs the 25 lb Turkey"